I graduate in 4 days and I am beyond excited! :)
But I felt like I should write down somethings I've learned in high school...
First-off: Girls are bitches. Mean, back-stabbing, drama causing , two faced, ungrateful, stupid, immature bitches. Sorry that was harsh... but the truth. My senior year is wrapping up very differently than I foresaw. In someways it's for the better I just wish some people could have ended friendships a little more gracefully and kindly, but like I said...immature.
Don't waste your time or change yourself. If people aren't willing to like you for you and just want to pick fights over stupid shit, then don't waste your time with them. There are enough other people that will like you (love you) for who you are. You should never have to change to fit the mold. If you're happy doing you then everyone around you needs to be okay with it too.
Grow. Change, explore, learn, try and fail. It's part of high school and (again) if people are your true friends they'll stand by you through thick and thin.
Most of all...remember it's only four years of your life and there's a lot beyond it. So be yourself and have fun.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Miss You
Only because I know you'll never read this but you know I'm better with my written words than my spoken ones.
I would give anything to go back to the beginning. I would do anything to be yours. I miss our all day text sessions and our late night chats over sodas...even if you live a hundred miles away. I miss you and us. I miss being able to tell you every thought that rolled through my mind and you serenading me when we talked on the phone. I miss worrying about texting too much and running up our phone bills. I miss 2 hours chats that would take place after 9 pm and consisted of everything from silly giggly jokes to song lyrics to the most serious though on our mind. I miss trying to help with homework via the telephone, when we were using two different versions of the program and blasting music.
I want to go back. To coordinating when to be online to maximize chat time, even when our computers were being stupid. I want to go back to not getting homework done not because I'm being lazy but because the things you would say were so much more interesting and valuable.
I miss you. I love you. I have since we first met and I still do. Because Jammies and Blankies go together
"The answers aren't so easy to find...the questions will have to do..."
I would give anything to go back to the beginning. I would do anything to be yours. I miss our all day text sessions and our late night chats over sodas...even if you live a hundred miles away. I miss you and us. I miss being able to tell you every thought that rolled through my mind and you serenading me when we talked on the phone. I miss worrying about texting too much and running up our phone bills. I miss 2 hours chats that would take place after 9 pm and consisted of everything from silly giggly jokes to song lyrics to the most serious though on our mind. I miss trying to help with homework via the telephone, when we were using two different versions of the program and blasting music.
I want to go back. To coordinating when to be online to maximize chat time, even when our computers were being stupid. I want to go back to not getting homework done not because I'm being lazy but because the things you would say were so much more interesting and valuable.
I miss you. I love you. I have since we first met and I still do. Because Jammies and Blankies go together
"The answers aren't so easy to find...the questions will have to do..."
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
The pound of bricks that was weighing on my chest is gone now thanks for asking
Everything is back to normal (for now).
Thank goodness, i wasn't sure how much I could take/ what my breaking point would be.
None the less I'm stoked for Work Weekend in like a week! :)
Gotta keep moving forward
Thank goodness, i wasn't sure how much I could take/ what my breaking point would be.
None the less I'm stoked for Work Weekend in like a week! :)
Gotta keep moving forward
Monday, March 15, 2010
Remembering to breathe and other important things...
Okay quick update, since my last blog I've patched things up which is good. Friendships take work and shouldn't be taken for granted, I'm working on this everyday.
Anyways. It's Monday and I'm already stressed to the max, which if you know me, is never ever a good thing. I really hate being stressed but at least right now it's stress because I'm worried (caring) about someone. For me that's easier to handle than school stress and what not. Sometimes though, I get so amazingly caught up in stuff that I feel like I forget to breathe, I mean this metaphorically, it's just that when everything is so crazy sometimes you can bring yourself back to earth and that's how I feel right now. It's super ironic because we've been doing these assignments in English and one question was how have life's experiences affected your views. And I wrote, no lie, don't sweat the small stuff. Which is exactly what I'm doing. I need to relax and do what I can to help but not let things consume me.
"you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."
"you can offer your hand but the other person has to take it."
More later.
Anyways. It's Monday and I'm already stressed to the max, which if you know me, is never ever a good thing. I really hate being stressed but at least right now it's stress because I'm worried (caring) about someone. For me that's easier to handle than school stress and what not. Sometimes though, I get so amazingly caught up in stuff that I feel like I forget to breathe, I mean this metaphorically, it's just that when everything is so crazy sometimes you can bring yourself back to earth and that's how I feel right now. It's super ironic because we've been doing these assignments in English and one question was how have life's experiences affected your views. And I wrote, no lie, don't sweat the small stuff. Which is exactly what I'm doing. I need to relax and do what I can to help but not let things consume me.
"you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."
"you can offer your hand but the other person has to take it."
More later.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
:/
I hate Valentine's Day.
Okay so maybe I shouldn't have such strong feeling for a day but I do. And maybe I hate it because I've never been dating anyone on Valentine's Day. That must be it. The best Valentine's Day I can recall happened when I was in 6th grade. My two youth group leaders, Brittany and Janelle, brought me a little gift bag and a carnation and dropped it off in my school office. I felt so special getting to be the one in my class going to the office to pick something up....good times. Anyways, I thought this year might actually top that. This year my "best friend" (and I say it like that because I don't even know if we're still friends, let alone best friends)and I were going to go all out for each other. Cards, gifts, dinner the whole thing. We're both single and figured it would be fun. And then Tuesday the 2nd of February happened.
I arrived at school early much like any other day and ventured down to one of our teacher's rooms because I had a question in regard to using the school sound system for our French Club's Mardi Gras celebration that was going to be off site. I was pretty sure my "best friend" would be in his room which would make leaving the comfort of my car that much better and we pretty much met up and talked every morning anyway. So I open the door and there she is. "Cool" I think to myself.I open my mouth to say good morning, how are you and am met with. "I'm NOT having a good morning I DON'T want to talk about it LEAVE ME ALONE." Well, if you couldn't guess that kinda set the tone for my day. So I said (as politely as possible) "Well actually I didn't come in here to talk to you. I came because I need to talk to Mr.E". "Oh" she says and then stands there and (what felt to me) starred my down. So I left. I could take care of sound system business later. She ignored me the rest of the day. Was I hurt? You bet. So I decided the next day I would not speak to her. I wasn't rude about (or at least I wasn't trying to be) she asked "are you not speaking to me?" and I simply answered "yes". I didn't ignored her, I still looked at her and whatnot and if there had been some monumental thing I needed to say I would have. ( I realize now maybe this wasn't the best plan but I was trying to make a point). So the next day I get to class (we have 1st period together) she doesn't say anything to me. She doesn't walk with me to 2nd. I realize she's mad and have all intentions of apologizing to her ASAP. I see her coming toward me between 3rd and 4th. She says "Are you speaking to me today?" and I answer "Yes, and..." before I can finish and apologize for the previous day and tell her why I did what I did I'm met with "Well to bad. Because I'm mad at you and not speaking to you still." (Don't quote me on any of this) Then she turns and walks away from me. And since that point almost 2 weeks ago we haven't spoken.
And here's the thing. Part of me is relieved, not because I don't love and care about her but because, I realize now, that without all of our stupid drama and sillyness I have no major attachment to high school. Sure I have other friends, some I will stay close to forever, some I won't. But without her around I could close up. I not being vulnerable, and not really having fun. I'm closed off. Just going through the motions and emotions of each day. And the other part of me is ready to break down and cry. I miss a lot about our friendship. There I said it. So every time I've said I'm glad, I'm good, I happy to be rid of the drama. It's true but not completely. There's still part of me that's not ready to let go and give up.
So here it is: I'm sorry. Maybe it wasn't right for me to do what I did. But at the same time friends don't get mad at friends over things they didn't do. All I wanted to do is reach out and make sure you were okay.
I know that neither one of us is perfect. I know that I have drama and I can be as annoying as hell. She can too. But that's why we've always been there for one another. Why we love each other.
I still love you. I still care. I miss you. I'm sorry. Let's start over, try again. Take things slow and use words. Okay?
I still want to know when you find the best hotdog stand :)
Okay so maybe I shouldn't have such strong feeling for a day but I do. And maybe I hate it because I've never been dating anyone on Valentine's Day. That must be it. The best Valentine's Day I can recall happened when I was in 6th grade. My two youth group leaders, Brittany and Janelle, brought me a little gift bag and a carnation and dropped it off in my school office. I felt so special getting to be the one in my class going to the office to pick something up....good times. Anyways, I thought this year might actually top that. This year my "best friend" (and I say it like that because I don't even know if we're still friends, let alone best friends)and I were going to go all out for each other. Cards, gifts, dinner the whole thing. We're both single and figured it would be fun. And then Tuesday the 2nd of February happened.
I arrived at school early much like any other day and ventured down to one of our teacher's rooms because I had a question in regard to using the school sound system for our French Club's Mardi Gras celebration that was going to be off site. I was pretty sure my "best friend" would be in his room which would make leaving the comfort of my car that much better and we pretty much met up and talked every morning anyway. So I open the door and there she is. "Cool" I think to myself.I open my mouth to say good morning, how are you and am met with. "I'm NOT having a good morning I DON'T want to talk about it LEAVE ME ALONE." Well, if you couldn't guess that kinda set the tone for my day. So I said (as politely as possible) "Well actually I didn't come in here to talk to you. I came because I need to talk to Mr.E". "Oh" she says and then stands there and (what felt to me) starred my down. So I left. I could take care of sound system business later. She ignored me the rest of the day. Was I hurt? You bet. So I decided the next day I would not speak to her. I wasn't rude about (or at least I wasn't trying to be) she asked "are you not speaking to me?" and I simply answered "yes". I didn't ignored her, I still looked at her and whatnot and if there had been some monumental thing I needed to say I would have. ( I realize now maybe this wasn't the best plan but I was trying to make a point). So the next day I get to class (we have 1st period together) she doesn't say anything to me. She doesn't walk with me to 2nd. I realize she's mad and have all intentions of apologizing to her ASAP. I see her coming toward me between 3rd and 4th. She says "Are you speaking to me today?" and I answer "Yes, and..." before I can finish and apologize for the previous day and tell her why I did what I did I'm met with "Well to bad. Because I'm mad at you and not speaking to you still." (Don't quote me on any of this) Then she turns and walks away from me. And since that point almost 2 weeks ago we haven't spoken.
And here's the thing. Part of me is relieved, not because I don't love and care about her but because, I realize now, that without all of our stupid drama and sillyness I have no major attachment to high school. Sure I have other friends, some I will stay close to forever, some I won't. But without her around I could close up. I not being vulnerable, and not really having fun. I'm closed off. Just going through the motions and emotions of each day. And the other part of me is ready to break down and cry. I miss a lot about our friendship. There I said it. So every time I've said I'm glad, I'm good, I happy to be rid of the drama. It's true but not completely. There's still part of me that's not ready to let go and give up.
So here it is: I'm sorry. Maybe it wasn't right for me to do what I did. But at the same time friends don't get mad at friends over things they didn't do. All I wanted to do is reach out and make sure you were okay.
I know that neither one of us is perfect. I know that I have drama and I can be as annoying as hell. She can too. But that's why we've always been there for one another. Why we love each other.
I still love you. I still care. I miss you. I'm sorry. Let's start over, try again. Take things slow and use words. Okay?
I still want to know when you find the best hotdog stand :)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Check it Out!
First off I just want to say how excited I am for college in the fall. I can't wait to be done with high school. :) Cal State East Bay here I come! :)
Anyways check out my latest poem. It's pretty good.
Anyways check out my latest poem. It's pretty good.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Umm Hello? Can you see me standing here?
I kind of just realized that this weekend can go one of three ways:
Choice 1: It's amazing, we stay friends/get even closer; life is good
Choice 2: It goes pretty well; but there are still some pieces to pick up when its all said and done
Choice 3: It just sucks. and that's all there is to it.
I hope that it's choice one...but i guess things are what you make them, so to the best of my ability, i choose choice one and hopefully make it happen
Choice 1: It's amazing, we stay friends/get even closer; life is good
Choice 2: It goes pretty well; but there are still some pieces to pick up when its all said and done
Choice 3: It just sucks. and that's all there is to it.
I hope that it's choice one...but i guess things are what you make them, so to the best of my ability, i choose choice one and hopefully make it happen
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