AHH Life.

Life is crazy and amazing all at once. I'm happy and annoyed all at once. I don't think I ever remember feeling this way before. I am truly happy, like nothing I have ever ever ever felt before in my life. My friends are amazing and I love them to death. My bestie is awesome. She makes me a better person, without even trying and she knows how to make me smile.

From Facebook: "I love college. I truly do. I have the best friends on the entire planet."

I do, I really really do. This is a true statement. And yet something just, I don't know. There's something within me that's so scared to be close to people. And up until tonight I hadn't felt it. Like I had been fine. Everything was fine, perfect even. Like I flying. And then I leave and come back and my insecurities come back. My friends had done such an amazing job at making me feel awesome. And not that I don't still feel happy and like I'm flying but I don't know. Maybe it has nothing to do with insecurities about who I am. Maybe it's because I want something more. That something that I can't have because I'm not allowed to. And I know in my heart I don't want it. All I want is to be let in completely, honestly and fully.

Honesty is something that I require. And my biggest annoyance is when people say that they have something to tell me and then don't. All I want is you to tell me. To hold me close and never ever have our friend be torn apart. By time or distance or anything else.

My love for you is unlike any other. My world, smile and what I need to be happy. This is not going to work. Your mark on my life is permanent and I don't want it to only be a small mark, I want it to be a masterpiece. So here I go. It's all out now. Deep breath. I am okay and I am loved. We are okay and nothing will ever break our friendship apart. We can handle anything the world throws our way as long as we're together.

I am strong, smart and loved.

The End.