Check it Out!

First off I just want to say how excited I am for college in the fall. I can't wait to be done with high school. :) Cal State East Bay here I come! :)

Anyways check out my latest poem. It's pretty good.

Umm Hello? Can you see me standing here?

I kind of just realized that this weekend can go one of three ways:

Choice 1: It's amazing, we stay friends/get even closer; life is good

Choice 2: It goes pretty well; but there are still some pieces to pick up when its all said and done

Choice 3: It just sucks. and that's all there is to it.

I hope that it's choice one...but i guess things are what you make them, so to the best of my ability, i choose choice one and hopefully make it happen

Interesting

It's funny...life that is.

A little over a year ago I would have just come home from Summer Camp Session 5 2008 and told you it was the best camp experience of my life, etc. I also would have told you that there were certain staff members I could not stand.

About a year ago I would have been starting my Jr. year and also being in my "Rebel without a cause phase". Which backfired on me, but hey I learned something. I also would have had my first serious crush...

About 6 months ago I learned that I had pretty much landed my dream job

About 4 months ago I was finishing my Jr. year...happy and loving life. Things were good and I had accomplished so much. I was sure life couldn't get any better.

About 3 months ago Jr. Year ended and I went off to South Lake Tahoe to work my "dream job" which ended up being more like my living nightmare. Bad experience aside I learned something. I also found out my dad had lost his job. He then proceeded to stop talking to me.

About 2 months ago I was still pondering what had gone wrong in Tahoe but worked through my issue and went on a college road trip to look at schools. I knew at this point senior year would not be a walk in the park but that this is what I wanted.

About a month ago I returned home from camp, started school , turned 17 and found out my dad might be moving to Washington. When I got home from Summer Camp Session 5 2009 I really was/am a different person. Being in the oldest cabin and in WOLP changed me in the best ways possible. The same staff members that I had once had gotten on my nerves had became one of the people I was saddest to say goodbye to. I have so many awesome memories. I also met someone that has become a best friend to me. School started with a bang. I tried my hardest to show how much I cared about someone and yet the gesture although received quite well was not returned. I turned 17 without so much as a simple card from my father. Instead I receive a grumpy phone call. It is also around this time that I find out he may be moving to Washington.

Last week a friendship blossomed. Fate I swear. I had met her at camp and we started talking. Come to find out we have so much in common. We have much to offer each other. Fate is surely what I would call it. I also completed, successfully, the first part of the physical project for my Senior Project. This was also when I found out my father would not be moving.

This week...I am taking things one day at a time. I am supposed to see my father after not seeing him for 3 months. I enjoy my nightly chats with my new best friend. I love her and everything we talk and laugh about. It's nice to not be judged and to have such an amazing friend.

Next week is the future...but I know that it will be great. I have not seen my best friend in 6weeks and I will get to see her. That alone will make the entire week special.

So needless to say 4 months ago when life couldn't get any better I was wrong. Last year when I was so sure of everything things changed for the better. And right now in this moment I can truly say that I am happier than I have been in a really long time.

Here's to new friends and amazing memories to come! <3

Senior Year

Week 4 of school. I'm coming off the high of an amazing weekend. Like seriously it was a great weekend that involved a lot of super amazing conversation with an equally amazing person.

Problem is I think I've set my sights to high. That I'm dreaming impossible and putting my energy into maybe. It scares me but in the best way possible.

Insipration

Inspiration.
Something that everyone needs.
But my question is can you be inspired by someone you don't know well?
And no I'm not talking about a celebrity...I'm talking about an actual person. Someone who I met this summer...she changed my life and she doesn't even it. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell her either but this is going to be my thanks to her.

Who knew simple words and a hug could mean so much. Before I even really got to know her my heart and brain told me- "This girl is someone special. She's a good role model and is someone you can look to and trust." And my head and heart were right. The time I spent with her was limited but I can't deny what I know. (I'm hoping I don't sound like a creeper writing this) it's just that...i don't even know. Words can't explain it. It's just something that happens sometimes. Sometimes it's about the connections made and not the whole experience, at least that's what I'm slowly learning.

My eyes are wide open now, she helped me see clearly. She'll never know how much it meant but someday if our paths cross again I will throw my arms around her and say "Hey thanks. Thanks for being you!!" Eyes open, path set, determination, gentle reminders will bring me through and I know I can achieve.

<3
"THANKS!! THANKS FOR BEING YOU!!"

College

So my mom and I went and looked at a bunch of colleges up in Northern California. And I just gotta say I freaking love Nor Cal. Anyways so we looked at:

• San Jose State
• Cal State East Bay
• San Francisco State
• Sacramento State
  
• Chico State

I freaking loved Sac and East Bay. Plus it's only 99 miles to South Lake Tahoe from Sac State. Which is for sure one of my new favorite place.

My senior year is going to kick my ass but it's totally gonna be worth it. Sac State or East Bay. Those are my dream schools and I'm going to make my dream happen!!! :)

:)

Excited for life! Smiling and positive! Dancing, smiling, laughing and loving! I am in a great mood! :)


"Never give up on the people you love!"

It's the little things...

I mean seriously it really is. Like seeing your friends have a new profile picture or status on Facebook these are the things that make me happy. Writing a awesome, amazing, completely and utterly untrue cheesy story can make my whole day. These are things that I need to keep in mind as I enter what could be one of the hardest school years yet. If the little things in life, pictures of friends/camp/nature, silly camp songs and focusing on who I want to be remain important, nothing can bring me down.


"Forget the risk, take the fall. If it's meant to be, it's worth it all"
"It's either time to s**t or get off the pot!"
<3 Quotes to live by! :)

Just Saying...

I'm a fan of tattoos. As a matter a fact I myself want several. I am a fan of Kat Von D, the work she does and High Voltage Tattoo. Or at least I was. They (Kat' s brother) hired Aubry Fisher. You're going why does this matter? Well she was on Rock of Love 2. Yep eww. I think that just killed me watching LA Ink. Yea.

Here's a pretty good article:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2009/07/08/2009-07-08_la_ink_turns_for_the_worse_with_addition_of_.html

Yep.

Northern California

This is where I have to be honest to say what I need to say without question. Okay so here it goes. I know in my heart that I can get into college I also know that for the sake of my own sanity it needs to not be any closer than 2 hours from here. La Verne California, where I've spent my whole life, where I can't go out without seeing at least one person I know, where everyone is married to everyone else, where people can't think outside the box or be comfortable with things that aren't "normal", where people got to school, college and then get a job and never ever leave. I can't be that person.

I NEED to move away from here. From all of this. So I can be my own person and live my dreams. I spend some time in Northern California already this summer and decided I really like it. That I can see myself there, and in a weird way Camp Concord not working out gave me the kick in the ass I needed.

I'm excited to go and look at colleges in Nor Cal here really soon. As a matter a fact I'm stoked. I hope that the one's I like best on paper I fall even more in love with in person. Because there are a few schools that I've become attached to just looking at them online. One being Cal State East Bay. I can see myself there. Let's hope it's amazing in person.

Nor Cal is calling and I'm listening. Let's go senior year- I'm ready to kick ass so I can go and live out my dreams!

Seriously

Again straight from Facebook but with added details.

• My parents got divorced when I was nine
• I had cancer when I was two and a half. My dad pretends like it never happened. (examples include: changing the subject when it's brought up and up until this past year hadn't been to a actual appoint with me since I was diagnosed.)
• Got remarried to a woman who is (45-27=18) sorry had to do math, she's 18 years yonuger than him. In Hawaii, did I go no, they eloped.
  
• Then they had a kid. Ummm and my dad wonders why I'm not stoked, well let's see there is an 16 year age difference between us.
• He sides with my step mom on everything. Even at my expense. When they get going I feel like crap around them. (like either of them is so great!)
• There's no follow through. He's "dad" when he feels like it.

Okay I mean I love my dad because he's my dad but beyond that not so much. He's made some really stupid mistakes and I don't think he ever thinks beyond the moment. I can't depend on him for anything, so I don't know why every time he screws up I expect it to be different.
Maybe part of the issue is he still sees me as being nine years old. NINE!! I"M ALMOST 17!!! HELL I"M GOING TO BE AN ADULT HERE IN THE NEAR FUTURE AND HERE HE IS STILL SEEING ME AS BEING NINE YEARS OLD!! I mean seriously what the hell? I keep growing up and he still stays the same good old, not good decision making, totally predictable dad.
Well here's the news flash dad: I'm not nine anymore! I'm 16 (almost seventeen) and I understand the real world to some degree. Okay so stop treating me like a little kid. I get that you lost your job. I understand that we are in a economic downfall. I know it's not easy to find a job. So yea I get that it's "going to be a tough few months", got it, I not as dumb as you think.
So if we need to "talk about some things", like my cell phone, then just come right out and say it! I'm so tired or this run around game he plays. Not to mention the fact he acts like the dad I used to know when my step mom isn't around but when she is he sides with her. The wicked witch of the west. It really doesn't matter what she says he agrees with her if when it hurts me.
I'm done. When I graduate, if I'm standing on that stage giving a speech I'm going to thank my mom and friends because my dad he doesn't know me at all.
Add him to my list of reasons to go to college: I can do it all on my own. I am strong and capable, I do not need to be taken care of by someone who doesn't know me.

Camp Concord Realization

This is straight from my Facebook note.

I am starting to realize something about my experience up at Camp Concord. Although it was not perfect I learned from it. I met some amazing people and actually I learned A LOT from the experience and that to me is more important than it working out. I've also realized that it gave me an experience and a reality check that I really needed. I needed to realize that I can do things on my own, that there are people you can and can't rely, that I can do anything I set my mind to,that there are people that love and support me, and that I truly do love the idea of being a camp director. Things didn't end the way I wished they would of. Heck I don't think anyone would want to give up a job that they love but in the end it's been for the better. I got home and wished I hadn't made such a hasty desicsion, I wanted to go back and that idea was veto by my mom. At first I was mad but now I realize it was a good thing. My mom told me to channel that energy of the frustration I felt while I was there and not being able to be in control of the situation,the angry I felt at myself for coming home and not trying to work it out, the "What am I going to do with my summer now?" blah feeling and the disappointment I felt in myself and I knew I would hear from my dad and stepmother who never even believed I could get the job in the first place and do something with it.

I sat down and looked at my future. My dreams, my goals and my plans. The things I want for me. I decided that I would take French 2 (Even though the teacher isn't my favorite) and take the ACT so I could do something for me. So I can and will be applying to 4 year colleges right along with my friends. I know I can do it. I have a confidence in myself that I believe I gained when I was on my own. So now I'm ready, I'm in control and everyone better watch out because I have a drive unlike any other!

Look out world! I'm a girl on a mission to get amazing grades and get into my dream school! And there's nothing that can stop me!